This is always a big day for Eagles fans and personnel scouts… when the former Nebraska ‘Huskers fullback JB99 emerges from his Texas ranch and issues his annual vision of the best-case scenario for the Philly Free Agent signing market and also the college Draft.
Last year (due to the lockout) the JB Bar-B-Q and Rodeo event was broken up into smaller and disjointed sessions… This year, thanks to the new CBA agreement, it’s a full-blown concert.
JB in full “Black Cowboy” regalia at his Texas press conference… JB’s knowledge of college football prospects and worthy free agent talent is coveted by NFL writers and bloggers around the world, and he is routinely victimized by “stolen posts”… At least here at EEB, we give proper credit to the author. And to his credit, JB knows, thanks to oil and gas royalties and worm-farm revenue, he is now wealthy enough to buy and sell all of his post-stealers by at least 1,000 times over…
Jason Jones (#91, above) is JB’s secret ingredient in this year’s Eagles recipe… DT who can also play at DE, Jones is 6-5, 276, 25 years old, now in his 5th year out of Eastern Michigan. As a former Titan, Jones would also be quite familiar with Eagles DL coach Jim Washburn’s way of doing business…
Now, here’s the Great One himself, the Texas Geator with the Husker Heater, JB:
“Okay!!!!!!!11!!111!!!11 The time has come!
TGWBWJB99’s Pre-Free Agency Official Mock Draft and Off-Season Plan!
I’m bringing back Mathis, Tapp and Landri.
Then I’m signing… Plaxico for RZ threat… Wes Woodyard to battle the rookie and Rolle…. and Jason Jones to replace Antonio Dixon whom I let walk…. and Dan Connor.
[I also have arranged for Albert Hayneswerf to join the team…but details of that arrangement will be revealed later.]
Now the Draft:
1) DT – Mike Brockers – Causes havoc… with great size. Could be a Hayneswerf type presence in the near future.
2) MIKE – Myke Kendricks. Big time college production…. unbelievable change of direction…. combine standout.
2) WILL – Lavonte David – Big time player… plays bigger than he lists… finds the ball.
3) CB – Jaron Hosely – My boy… and talented small CB with return skills. Bud Foster creates players!
4) TE – Orson Charles – My Boy… and dynamic downfield pass receiver.
4) OT – Nate Potter – Soon to be all -pro T under Mudd. Also… Boner’s Boy.
5) CB/RS – Cliff Harris – Former first round talent… kicked off of Oregon football team… kinda crazy… good solid playmaking CB and dynamic PR/KR.
6) S – Janzen Jackson – Good size and range. Former Gator.
6) WR – Junior Hemmingway – Solid ST’er… and go up and get it WR.
6) C – Garth Gerhart – Soon to be all pro under the tutelage of Mudd.
There you have it… SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!1111!!11!!!1!!! “
The Black Cowboy did take a few questions from the gallery before leaving the Rodeo:
“Ya’ll wanna get educated? You want me to give you the low down on my #1 pick on who the Eagles will go after in FA? A guy that is 100% for sure going to be an Eagle next year? DT Jason Jones will be an Eagle next year. They get him in FA. Book it.”
“Unlike all other GM’s… TGWBWJB99 only drafts guys that will make the team. It’ll be hard for a DE to make this team… I keep 5 veteran DE’s, the 5 being… Cole, Babin, Graham, Tapp and Hunt. Just dont see the need for a rook DE. I didn’t draft a DE because we’d already have 5 with my offseason plan… plus Jason Jones who can play DE also. That said… I was looking hard for… my boy… Chandler Jones.”
“I think 3 years/10 millz might work for Jason Jones. Normally…4 millz per year is the going rate for pass rushing free agents… but he had a down year… and there will only be a team or two after him.”
“We only have to get rid of one overpaid DE. I chose Parker. Why keep Tapp? Why not? Are you ready to let Graham and Hunt be the b/u’s?”
“Like others…. I feel like Marcell Reece is the best FB for the Eagles at this time. He really can do it all… much like Weaver.We’ll be wartching closely.”
“To me…[at safety] Bob Sanders is not even worth the chance that he could regain form. He’s no better than what we have these days… even if he’s not done. Melvin Bullitt is the kind of guy we’d be looking for imo. Solid vet that could start if needed. Just seems like he could get more money to start FOR SURE somewheres else.”
“Jason Jones is nothing like Hayneswerf. Hayneswerf dominated the man across from him. Jones is a slasher that is a force in the Wide9. “
“You have to have a plan…. but you also have to be ready to deviate. I dont see any need to move up… unless you are just in love with a guy and you want to make sure you get him… like we did for Maclin and Graham. We’ll get a real nice player at 15.”
And with that, the Black Cowboy ended his press conference and rode off into the Texas sunset as a full moon was simultaneously rising in the Austin sky. The shrill call of a Golden Eagle could be heard in the distance.