Desmondmugshotparody

Desmond Bryant rumblings in Philly…and why it’s so hard to win a Mach 10 championship…

The talk of the town in Philly today is the Eagles' alleged interest in signing DT Desmond Bryant

Bryant, who became a household name this winter for a now infamous mugshot, is on the Eagles wish list according to Jason Cole of Yahoo! Sports. Cole also mentioned the New England Patriots, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks and Jacksonville Jaguars as other teams interested in Bryant.

 

 

 

 

Here's a somewhat more flattering shot of Desmond Bryant…6-6, 311, his 4th year out of Harvard…a "smart" guy, right?

Here's a parody of the infamous mug shots that resulted from Bryant's run-in with the law a few weeks ago in Miami…

 

 

 

 


You can write it off to a youthful indiscretion. The young man can still flat-out ball.

According to CBS Miami, police said Bryant was “extremely intoxicated” and had red, blood-shot eyes and slurred speech, as well as the “strong smell of an alcoholic beverage emitting from his breath," when he was booked at Miami-Dade County Jail at about 9:30 a.m. Sunday morning on february 24th.

SB Nation's Raiders blog zinged Bryant over his Ivy League roots: "After seeing this photo one might surmise that having a Harvard education doesn't automatically mean their alumni come out prepared to handle alcohol."

Bleacher Report's Matt King mocked Bryant, comparing his mug shot to an unflattering screen capture of "Honey Boo Boo" star June "Mama" Shannon.

Meanwhile, Deadspin held a photoshop contest for Bryant's "derpy" mugshot. "We don't care what he did. Actually we do, but his mug shot is more pressing," wrote Barry Petchesky.

I think the guy is worth a look by the Eagles. I base this view on his playing ability. Bryant was one of the best defensive tackles in the league last season, recording 36 tackles and four sacks for the Oakland Raiders. At only 27-years old Bryant would fit the bill as a young player whose best days could be ahead of him. He has 11.5 sacks and 124 tackles in his four year career. ProFootballFocus had him ranked as the 6th best defensive tackle last season and gave him credit for 20 quarterback hurries and 11 quarterback hits.

When I think of all the times at age 27 I drove home late at night or early in the morning with a belly full of wine, or worse, and but for the luck of the Irish should have been pulled over by the cops like Bryant was, I count my blessings and explore my capacity for forgiveness of his youthful indiscretion. The fact still remains that it can never—ever—happen again.

Like most of the free agents the Eagles have been linked to this offseason, Bryant played in a 3-4 last season. He has the size- 6-6, 311 lbs- to be the dominant defensive tackle they are going to need. Other than Fletcher Cox, the Eagles don't have another clear option right now for the middle of their defensive line. Derek Landri is a free agent, Cedric Thornton is an unknown and Antonio Dixon has been inconsistent throughout his career. Pairing Bryant with Cox would be a solid foundation for defensive coordinator Billy Davis to build from. At least that is the popular notion among pundits right now.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Our correspondent J. "Councilman" Trent raised an interesting point yesterday— although the annual MACH 10 Draft Challenge may be the most difficult trophy to win in all of Eagles fandom, how did our contestants fare last year in picking viable NFL players—even though they may not have wound up on the Eagles' final roster?

Going over the charts from 2012, we find the following results— which reveal the "general managerial talent-scouting" potential in Eagles Eye phan posters—which does not always equate to a Mach 10 win…

For example— JB-Sage-Lion had a losing ballot in which he "only" correctly picked Mychal Kendricks for the Eagles—but he also had Luke Kuechly on his list. And we all know how Kook's value has skyrocketed since…

B. Quick had a losing ballot with two correct picks of Fletcher Cox and Brandon Boykin… but he also had Bernard Pierce on his ballot. Pierce went on to have a great rookie year for the Ravens, and ended up with a Super Bowl ring in his very first NFL campaign.

Boner hit on Vin Curry and Marvin McNutt…not bad… but he also had Brock Osweiler on his ballot. That is a real scout's vision…

Blasphemizer got Mychal Kendricks…  but even more amazingly he picked Russell Wilson. If only that could have played out in reality…

Jerky got Vin Curry right… but he also picked Brandon Weeden and Michael Brockers, which arguably could be considered decent value picks…

Lupes' only claim to fame was picking Janoris Jenkins…  you might say that Jenkins is working out okay at cornerback…

Genetic Freak had a nice ballot with both Fletcher Cox and Vin Curry on it… and you might say he kinda hit the mark with Chris Rainey. The jury is still out on Rainey…

Fields had Fletcher Cox—and not much else. But he did hit on David Decastro.

Brozer blew us all away with Cox, Curry and Kendricks….but in a larger NFL sense he also "hit" on Michael Brockers, Courtney Upshaw, Quintin Coples and Luke Kuechly… Great scouting by Brozer…

Palm Feathers hit on Mychal Kendricks and Emil Igwenagu… pretty impressive…but also got NFL points for Brandon Weeden and Devon Still. Not bad

Brizorro hit on Fletcher Cox and Marvin McNutt— but also gets extra credit for Chris Rainey.

Go_Green should get the Purple Heart Award— he correctly predicted Fletcher Cox and NICK FOLES !!!… impressive! But add the NFL scouting mix of Vontaze Burfict, Luke Kuechly and Nate Potter to that brew, and you have a very professional perfomance by Go_Green…

Brizer got Cox, all right… but he also saw Kuechly, Harrison Smith and Lavonte David…

Spiffo didn't get a single Eagles selection on his ballot…but he was "right on" about David Decastro, Brandon Weeden, Mike Adams, Ryan Tannehill, Michael Brockers, Kendall Wright, Brock Osweiler and Brandon Taylor.

South Philly Ben nailed Fletcher Cox… but he also correctly scouted Russell Wilson.

Leo Pizzini struck out on Eagles picks… but he was all over Mark Barron, Michael Brockers, Jared Crick, Kirk Cousins, Brandon Taylor, and Chris Rainey.  If you were drafting for an expansion team. Leo was your man.

Kent Phil was on the mark with Fletcher Cox…but equally impressive, he targeted Luke Kuechly, Vontaze Burfict, Brandon Weeden, Stephen Hill, Michael Brockers, Antonio Allen and Chris Rainey.

PPW was shut out on Eagles draft picks…but he got a nice "NFL hit" on Luke Kuechly.

Dr. Funt was all over Fletcher Cox, Mychal Kendricks and Vin Curry… and he deserved extra points for David Decastro and Zach Brown.

Hudson Hawk had Fletcher Cox… and also Riley Reiff, Alfonso Denard, Kirk Cousins, Vontaze Burfict and Chris Rainey…

Dutch Rubb was left in the dust on Eagles picks…but he correctly predicted good careers for Kuechly, Brockers, Minnifield, Cousins, and Bernard Pierce…

Beanstalk had a nice ballot with Fletcher Cox and Brandon Boykin…then came up short except for the NFL bonus points he earned for Russell Wilson…

Freight Train had no Eagles…but he scouted Mark Barron, Michael Brockers, Devon Still and Bernard Pierce…

Somalia correctly picked Kendricks… we expected more…but Somalia saved his credibility with the inclusion of Lavonte David, Zach Brown, Chris Rainey and Alfonzo Dennard…

Don Pardo had one of the more interesting Eagles ballots in that he was the only Bored member to correctly pick Chris Polk… He gained extra NFL credits with Stephen Hill, Russell Wilson, Courtney Upshaw, Dontari Poe, Ladarius Green and Jerel Worthy… Watch out for this Pardo guy in 2013!

3D got Fletcher Cox correctly… throw in Janoris Jenkins, Chris Rainey, Kirk Cousins and Nate Potter for extra credit…

AFRA got Brandon Boykin…add Mark Barron, Janoris Jenkins, Michael Floyd, Mohammed Sanu, Zach Brown and LaMichael James for NFL IQ points…

Kenny Kenemeka also got Boykin… with Quintin Coples, Janoris Jenkins, Lavonte David , Ladarius Green and Michael Brockers thrown in to sweeten the pot.

Harry Organs Pianos nailed Boykin and McNutt…not bad!… Throw in Melvin Ingram, Brockers, Poe, David, and Janoris Jenkins for good measure.

Eagle Nut was shut out on the Eagles…but earned scouting points for Kuechly, Potter, Cam Johnson, Jarius Wright, Russell Wilson and Tramain Thomas…

Poet likewise missed on his Eagles… but gets credit for NFL aptitude on Quinton Coples, David Decastro and Kendall Reyes.

ATV had an interesting no-hitter, too… but at least he was all over Chandler Jones, James-Michael Johnson, Keenan Robinson, Bruce Irvin, Michael brockers, Derek Wolfe, Jeff Allen and Ron Brooks…

And Abe Linc had a golden sombrero, too… but he correctly prognosticated the future careers of Bernard Pierce, Devon Still and David Decastro.

 

Thomas Jackson

About Thomas Jackson

Jax Sports Media has been reporting on NFL teams in the mid-Atlantic region since 2006. Thomas Jackson is its senior writer. Tom started covering the Philadelphia Eagles for the MVN Network in 2007. In 2009 he joined the Bloguin Network. He now also covers the Baltimore Ravens.

Quantcast